Crossroads

I feel like I've come to a crossroad in my life, and the car I'm driving has stalled in the middle of the road, unable to turn left or right. I'm sitting in the driver's seat, frustrated and scared, trying and re-trying to get the engine to start ... but to no avail. Finally, I open the glove compartment to take out my road map to see which way I'm supposed to go, only to find that it's missing! Confused, I realize that even if I do manage to get the engine started, I don't even know which direction I am supposed to go!

I've always wanted two careers: An acting career and a career as a wedding planner/event coordinator. I love both areas, and I have training and experience in both.

In acting, I grew up acting and singing in plays and musicals, and making movies to enter into local film festivals. I minored in theatre, and have had classes of all kinds, including basic acting, stage movement, technical theatre, improv, stage make-up, and tv, film, and commercial classes. I've also taken 7 years of private voice lessons, and I took 14 years of piano lessons.

In wedding planning/event coordinating, I gained experience by interning for a wedding planner, and helped to plan several weddings. In addition, I've planned many parties and social gatherings, and have taken various classes to help me with my skills, including interior design, graphic design, advertising, and many business related courses. I also toootally possess the skills needed to be a great wedding planner, which include: I'm goal-oriented, organized, can multi-task, I'm creative and artistic, I'm detail-oriented, and I love planning things in advance and scheduling them. I'm also a list-maker, (I own a planner and make lists of everything I need to get done- I even have a whole budget section for each month!) And last but not least, I'm a romantic at heart.

So the current problem I'm having is ... which career to pursue? Initially, I moved out here to Los Angeles last year to pursue my acting career in film. I've realized that, while I still love acting and film making, there are so many things about this business that I don't like. First, you really can't trust anyone in the business- anyone. Second, people seem to care more about your looks than your talent. Other, less-talented people have been chosen over me just because they're a size zero. It drives me NUTS. Third, you have to be constantly hoping for more auditions, which are hard to come by, and even harder to book. Those are just a couple reasons.

When I first moved out here, I was reved and ready to go! I was like, "Bring it on!" I set goals for myself and worked towards those goals every day. But lately, I just haven't felt so motivated. I feel like the flame I once had has dwindeled, and is close to going out. Maybe it's just because I've hit the "one year mark" of being out here, and I'm simply burnt out. Maybe I just need a little break to get my engine started again. But on the other hand, maybe I really don't want to continue down this road. I no longer feel I need to be a "movie star" in order to be happy ...

I need to make a decision, and soon. I hate dawdling around in the middle. Right now I'm neither working as hard at pursuing my acting career like I should, nor am I working hard towards my wedding planning career. When I know where I'm going- I like to go full throttle. But how can you go full throttle into something if you're not even sure where you're going? I do NOT like to just "half ass" my way in both directions- like I'm doing now. Grrrr on life and it's big decisions ... grrr I say!