A Rainy Day Inside My Head

WARNING: This blog contains ranting, unhappiness, and, :::gasps::: even complaining about things that probably aren't that important to anyone but me. If people don't want to listen to me complain, I will complain to myself in the comfort of my own blog. Sooo if you don't feel like reading the pointless rantings of me then please stop reading here ...

Okay ... I've been having a bad day. Actually, more like a bad week. Here are my reasons why:

1. I haven't had a day off from work in 2 weeks, and I don't get any days off THIS week either. Which means I'll be working at least 3 weeks in a row without a day off. (And that depends on whether I get a day off NEXT week ... which I probably won't ... that'll make it 4 weeks in a row.)

2. They're currently doing construction ALL over my apartment building to make it look "prettier," (when it's already super nice,) which means I wake up every morning, (on the mornings where I get to sleep in some what before work,) to the sounds of jack hammers and chain saws outside my window. HEAD ACHE. Even when I'm NOT sleeping, I can't stand to be in the apartment because they go ALL DAY LONG.

3. Due to the construction, they have taken away several of the guest parking spots and have put up POINTLESS pictures and posters in their places. SEVERAL parking spots have been replaced by a stupid wall with POSTERS on it for decorative purposes. IN a parking garage. This means that it is now especially hard for me to find parking in my own building. Why don't I just "buy a parking spot," you might ask? Because "buying" a parking spot costs at least an extra $75- $85 a month. What the hell?! I already pay a shit load just to live here, and they want me to pay an EXTRA $75-$85 just to have a parking spot?! Even if I wanted to, I couldn't afford it.

4. I DON'T like living in the middle of the city of Los Angeles. Period.

5. Right now, I spend my time working TWO jobs and rarely get a day off, and I STILL barely even have enough money to pay all the bills every month. In addition, I don't even want to be here anymore. I don't feel the strong desire to do movies like I used to. Yeah, of course I would still like to, but I don't have a strong enough desire to make that my main career goal. It's just not what I want for my life anymore. I would much rather do my wedding planning right now. I could even WORK for a wedding planner/business until I start my own. So the problem is ... I'm now pointlessly living in one of the most expensive parts of town for no reason. And I don't make enough EXTRA money each month to save in order to move. So I just feel "stuck" here. And as nice and convenient as my location is, I'm miserable.

6. I'm home sick, I miss my friends and family from back home, and I can never get a hold of any of them.

7. My front left tire on my car looks like it's going flat, EVEN THOUGH I just had my car inspected, (which includes adjusting tire pressure,) THREE weeks ago. Plus, my car is starting to act funny. The mechanics who looked at it last month probably screwed everything up on purpose so I'd have to pay MORE money. Because I have NEVER had problems with my car util last month.

8. F##KING Bally Total Fitness keeps taking money from my checking account each month, EVEN THOUGH I don't go there anymore and told them I wanted to cancel my membership. I have to "pay a fee" in order to cancel, which I can't afford!!!

9. I want to go home for Christmas, but am worried that if I go home, I won't have enough money to pay January's bills, (because obviously I won't be working while at home.)

10. I'm stressed, I have a headache, and I feel depressed ... which for me is unusual. I don't usually get depressed. I was so depressed this past weekend that I just sat at home after work on Saturday night and cried. How pathetic is that?

So there you have it, for those of you who read. Maybe I sound like an ungrateful person to be complaining so much, but I'm really NOT ungrateful. I just don't feel like this is where I'm supposed to be ... and OH the headache.